Yesterday, I discovered a new dietary aid that will help keep people from eating things that aren't on their list of things they should eat. I think I could possibly make it rich with this new innovation.
The innovation? Hair in the food. That's right, hair. Yesterday
morning someone was sharing some delicious-looking red velvet cake,
homemade, for his birthday. He cut up the cake on the break room
table. I had just finished eating an apple and a Kashi granola bar,
but that cake was looking mighty tempting. I left the break room,
hoping the cake would all be gone before I walked back past the room.
However, the next time I walked past, there were 3-4 pieces left. I
decided I really wanted one.
The first bite revealed my new secret diet keeping device. A hair,
roughly three inches long, protruded from the edge of the cake. I
pulled it out, but my desire to finish eating the cake was
immediately quelled. Into the garbage it went—upside down on the
plate so that the guy who brought it wouldn't know I'd thrown away
nearly an entire piece of his cake.
If there's one thing I can't stand to find in food, that makes it
instantly unappetizing, it's a hair. Well, flies aren't very
appetizing either, but I don't generally find them embedded in cake,
enchiladas, or bread dough items like I do human hairs.
I wonder why that happens. Generally it happens whether or not I
know the head whose hair it came from, but when I don't know whose
head it came from, it's even worse. And if it was a pubic hair—well,
thankfully, that has never
happened to me.
I wonder if it's possible to
market something like this to help people lose weight, or to stop
eating unhealthy foods. Theoretically it is. I have huge numbers of
hair on my head, and they always grow back, so I could make
practically unlimited batches of chocolate chip cookies, cheesecake,
or lasagna filled with my new diet discovery. I'm surprised no one
else has thought of it.