On past mistakes

"Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: 'It might have been'. Thus spoke John Greenleaf Whittier some of the wisest words ever uttered. And yet, it never pays to dwell on things we might have done differently long ago. The choices we make, affect the rest of our lives, but that doesn't mean we should spend a great deal of time trying the old "I wish I would have" game. One of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite films (and books) The Fellowship of the Ring is this:

Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened.
Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world Frodo, besides the will of evil. Bilbo was meant to find the Ring. In which case, you were also meant to have it. And that is an encouraging thought.

Perhaps those choices that we thought were mistakes were actually necessary for our own development of character. Perhaps those choices needed to happen for some reason. Wishing for a past that never happened can only lead to depression.

At any rate, there isn't anything we can do about our past mistakes other than looking forward with hope, striving to do better, and losing ourselves in the service of others. We can't change the past, but we can certainly anticipate a bright future.

The value of hope

I have found that having hope is the driving force behind life. And that without hope, the road turns to despair. This become particularly important in helping those with long-term illnesses keep up the will to live.

Living, for all of us, has its challenges, but for one who faces each day with the prospect of pain, or the haze of drug-induced pain killers, and no end in sight except eventual death, well, that is far more challenging than everyday life for most of us. This is where something to hope for can help the person with a chronic illness cope.

If they have big plans for the future, something to look forward to, they can place their trust in that hope. If we who care of them take away that hope through our choices or actions, we cause them to drift down the road to despair. We need to be very careful when we make life decisions to include those who need hope the most, just to survive, to continue to have the will to keep fighting. If we don't think about the effect our decisions make have on our loved ones with chronic illnesses, then we can end up hurting them in ways we really didn't know we would.

The best solution then is to help them put their trust in God, but also to not take away their dreams. It's often a difficult and impossible conundrum, when we feel we must act a certain way, but that way seems to put their hope in jeopardy.

Life is a challenge, but people matter. Putting others above ones self is the most important. I'm a firm believer that once we do that, all things will eventually work out, even though it may take much longer than we thought. We can still treasure our own hopes and dreams in our hearts as we care for our loved ones.