Writing, routines, and solving the problems of life

When I was younger, there were large chunks of time in which I was able (although not always willing) to write. My habits included a warming up time when I just messed around. I usually had to sit at the keyboard or typewriter for a good long time before I would be in the frame of mind to write.
But that worked then. I had those chunks of time. I had the ability to organize my thoughts prior to putting any words down. These days are different. It seems that just as I get ready to write, something comes up. Either I'm needed by my wife who as a disabled person is often bored and lonely, or I just have so much work around the house to keep up with that it seems that I can't sit down for any kind of stretch that will allow me to gather my thoughts in my customary way.
In short, I have become at best, a blurb writer. I found that out all too convincingly when I sat down the other day to write out an article on the cost of religious belief or no religious belief. Just when I had the flow going and had put out a few paragraphs, my mind clearly focused on the topic, I had to quit.
Subsequently, I've had a hard time finding the time to reread what I've written and to add to it.
I'm thinking I need to find a solution to this dilemma, because the personal issues that have caused it don't seem like they will be going away any time soon.
Either that, or I could just bag writing. At least, until I'm much older, retired, and trying to fill my time.
That's not me, however. I'm thinking one way to solve this is to print out what I've written and then read through it, making notes. That may be easier than trying to do the same on a screen. Then I can go back to the screen and do some judicious editing.
I don't have the time to "warm up" any longer, but I can probably find solutions, and if I don't, well, that just means I won't get any writing done, and I can live with that.

On writing my personal history

I have been working on my personal history for over a year off and on. I've written about forty pages as of today, and am only up to age 26--and that's leaving out the boring stuff! I will need to totally rewrite it when I'm done because I began by putting it in categories, such as school, friends, work, sports, etc., but find that as I've gone on, I've been going by locations where I've lived and included some of the same things as duplicates (most likely, as I haven't yet taken the time to go back and read through the other stuff). That's okay though, as long as I get all my events and thoughts about those events down, I can always edit it later.
It's been interesting going back and remembering. Things early on often are formative in a person's life later on. My main goal with it is to show my posterity why I was the way I was. I think it's nice to know who one's parents and grandparents really are, and I intend to give that gift to them, and in the process show them what my choices and desires in life materialized, show them what went into my decision-making process for major things I've done in my life, and to hopefully get them to forgive me for any harm I may have caused or caused from their perceptions.
After all, it's only a human life, filled with the same kinds of mistakes, loves, achievements or lack thereof, dreams, adventures, and challenges of any other human being. God never made us perfect, only with His characteristics, and the ability to become perfected through Him.
It is a struggle I work on every day of my life, and filling in the details of how that struggle happened, I think in the long run will be beneficial to my offspring and theirs, and in some way pay a penance for my own struggles in life, and a road map as to how my triumphs occurred when I was blessed enough to have them.
In the end it will be rather lengthy, but fascinating. At least, as a writer, I hope to make it so by the time my final draft is complete, and my final chapter written. I don't know how that last bit will turn out yet, and someone else may have to finish, but by the end, my children will know a whole lot more about me. And I think that's a good thing.

Writing, the Olympics, and me

My watching of the Olympics has definitely taken its toll on my writing in this blog. And that's how life is. We decide which is most important to us and that's how we spend our available time. This morning, looking at Facebook posts was more important to me than writing, and now here it is, nearly time for me to get ready for work and I've only written a few words.

I guess there's a lesson to be learned here and it doesn't have to be a bad one. We all make priorities and these past two weeks, mine has mostly been the Olympics. It hasn't hurt me to take a break from life and watch the best of athletic competition. And I doubt it has hurt very many of my readers to not see very many blog posts. Now, as the Olympics wind down, I need to start thinking about what I'm actually going to be writing about. That's pressure, but only self-imposed pressure. And the thing is, if I get something written, it's gravy. I'm not getting paid for this. And you're probably thinking I can see why.

Over 50 and thinking of going back to school?

I am 56 and I was just doing a bit of preliminary research on the topic of going back to school. I've thought about it for a long time. There are several reasons why I haven't pursued it. Most have to do with my personal situation as a caregiver for my wife who has Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogren's Syndrome, Fibromyalgia and some other issues.
In the late seventies and early eighties, a stretch running from my late teens to early twenties, I attended the University of Utah. Part way through what was probably my junior "year" (like many people, I was taking a bit longer than four years to go through college while working full time to support my family), I got hired by the U.S. Postal Service. For me, accepting that job was a no-brainer. Since my high school graduation in '77, and my marriage in '80, I had  been working low-wage jobs with not a lot of upward mobility potential--at least not in careers that sounded interesting to me, and nothing imminent. At the time I accepted the job as a letter carrier, I had been working for Zion's Bank in Utah making three something an hour. I instantly jumped up to eight something an hour, so I was pumped. I was excited because that meant I could pay off my debts (including student loans and the medical expenses for our first child who had been born when we didn't have insurance), and that we would no longer have to live hand to mouth.
I thought then that I could go back to school later and finish my degree. However as often happens, life got in the way. My wife, Ann wanted to be a stay at home mom while the kids were young and I was supportive of that. But what that meant is that she wanted me to take my turn with the kids when I got off work--not go off to take classes and study at night. And, I needed to spend time with them. Dads are supposed to do that kind of thing and I wanted to be a good dad.
Still, I had it in the back of my mind that I would one day want to complete my schooling. Little did I know that there was some kind of limitation for how long those classes I had taken previously could be counted towards my degree. By the way, I can see why a class in genetics would go out of date, but a creative writing class or a Shakespear class? Give me a break! When I found out that I would have to take virtually everything over again, I really needed to think hard about why I should do it. I mean, college costs were sky-rocketing. Was it worth the burden of debt I would incur? I was then in my mid to late forties. I had hoped to be out of the Postal Service by forty.
Things became more challenging at home in 2007 when Ann was diagnosed with RA and Sjogrens. It became increasingly challenging for me to contemplate any kind of night time departures from home.
The thing is, most of that stuff can now be done online. Internet schooling is in full swing. So I began thinking about it again. I also did a preliminary search of financing college for people my age but found that nearly all of the opportunities to do so are for women:  Scholarship and Grant Money for Those Over 50 I found that there are ways to save money even for men, like getting a degree through Western Governor's University. Someone also mentioned to me about taking CLEP tests for each subject, which if passed will save thousands of dollars. The traditional student loan route is an option that I'm highly skeptical about doing this late in my life. Too much expense for too little return.
I'm still thinking about it. There are other options for educational experiences that will improve employability. It doesn't have to be a four-year university or even college per se. The magic of a college education doesn't thrill me any more as I see more and more leftist influence at the university level. There are other opportunities to learn skills that I can morph into employment when I finally leave the USPS. I just need to decide if I'm going to devote myself to making it financially as a writer, or take another path and pursue that. Until I make that choice, I will continue writing. It is after all, part of who I am.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you who take the time to read my posts. Sometimes the things I write may seem strange, incoherent, or just not your cup of tea, so to speak. Fair enough. As an individual, I have my own idiosyncrasies, my own way of looking at life. I'm thankful for all of you and your own differences and ways of looking a things. I wouldn't be posting anything if I wasn't getting readers, so a big THANK YOU to my loyal readers. I hope all of you have an amazing time today wherever you may be.

And if you can reach through my computer, give Scout a pat on the head.

Today I'm thankful I never got soaked, and other assorted topics

Winter has finally come to Utah. It's just as well. I was getting burned out of keeping up with the yard, and now, I can look forward to not having to do that kind of stuff until spring. I got the Accord finished with the safety and emissions inspection--it had failed because the bracket that holds the battery in had broken. Anyway, I replaced that today. I got a tool in the mail that's supposed to help with clearing obstructions from toilets. In our basement, where our daughter, Rebecca and her family live, the toilet is having issues. I had plunged it last week and got a toothbrush out, but then found out that there might be more toothbrushes and whatever else in there and that it was still sluggish. Rather than pull the toilet to clear it, I got online and looked for easier solutions. Anyway, I found out about the toilet auger that a bunch of people swear works well, then I checked the video that's mentioned in the comment section. In case you ever need to know this, here it is.

I put Rebecca's husband, Justin on the task this morning. I'm anxious to see how it went.

Ann and I are going to try and finish up our Christmas shopping for the kids and grandkids sometime today. We like to get it done early, so we don't have to worry about it. I still have a bunch to do for Ann, but what do you expect? Her birthday is December 12, then there's Christmas, and on December 30th, our anniversary. If I could figure out how to get Mother's Day and Valentine's Day into December, I would and then I could have the whole shebang over for the year.

On the writing front, I think I'm going to find some agents to whom I can submit my Christmas poem entitled The Cowboy's Mile: A Christmas Story. I feel that it would be easier to try and explain my idea for the poem with illustrations to an agent rather than to a publishing company. It's a lengthy poem--about two to three type written pages of verse--and it would lend itself well to a format with a stanza or two on a page with an illustration to go with it. I'm fairly certain both children and adults would like this story--I just need to find a way to get it published. I'm also confident that it would be well-received among the Christian book market, so maybe that's the kind of agent I need to approach.

As for gratitude today, I'm grateful I didn't ever stay out in the rain long enough to get soaking wet. It might have caused trouble with clothes clinging and all of that. Okay, I know, that sounds like a weird thing to be grateful for, but I have my reasons. And I am trying to think of things I don't normally think of for which to be grateful. Normally I don't mind getting soaking wet, especially when it's very hot. But this year, it seemed kind of like, well, it didn't ever really get hot enough to need that cool down effect, another thing for which I'm grateful. And, it's just plain hard to get out of the wet clothing. I'm thankful I never got that wet and that all my excursions this year were relatively tame. Well most of them. That's a story for another time.

A time dilemma

I'm not good with adjusting to schedule changes. Saturday, my work schedule changed from starting at 7:30, to starting at 7:00. This may not seem like much, and over all, I like the idea of getting off work a half an hour earlier, but it puts me in a dilemma. The dilemma is when to write and when to get my exercise in. About a year ago, we changed from an 8:00 starting time to a 7:30 starting time, and I still haven't fully adjusted, and now, I have to adjust again. I do my best writing in the morning, mainly because there are too many distractions for me when it comes to writing in the evening. On the other hand, going to the gym after work is harder, because sometimes I work overtime and the need to get home outweighs staying until 6:00 at the gym to complete a workout.


My workout is generally completed in an hour, but there is drive time, and doing it after work puts me in the middle of rush hour traffic trying to get home. I'm thinking that I'm going to end up splitting my workout and running in the morning (I will have to anyway once it gets hot), and then doing my strength training after work. Running in the morning will still allow me to write for a while, so I think that may be the best possible solution. I'll need to be disciplined to do it, especially since I will need to get up at a consistent time, but that will be possible. The only thing I worry about is running in the dark. I haven't done that for years, and don't have the reflective gear for it. Of course, that can be easily purchased.


So there will be that, and I'll also try to get some cooperation around here with doing some writing at night. My computer just may have to be off-limits to the grandkids and others unless I'm watching a game or movie, or playing a board game with Ann. Of course, this time of year brings a number of things that take away time that could be used for writing—yard work that must be done, and of course the outdoorsy stuff that I always do and that nearly always takes precedence.


I'm glad my time dilemmas are only between things I want todo and not between things that I have to do.

It's great mailman weather

Spring is  here, and with it comes one of the best times of year for mail delivery. I should know--that's my job. There's nothing like being outside when the weather is nice, but not too hot. As an added bonus, I got to deliver an hour off of a walking route yesterday. Now driving around in a truck all day isn't bad in this kind of weather, but getting to do a walk in it is amazing. Walking all day kind of defeats the purpose of enjoying it, but just doing an hour? That I can handle. I used to walk all day delivering mail, up until five or six years ago. It kept me in great shape. The thing is, when I went to do the things I loved to do after walking all week, I didn't want to do them. Hiking doesn't sound fun after packing around mail for 27 miles in a typical week. I finally took advantage of my seniority and bid on a "mounted" route, which is basically another name for a driving route, and presto, my hikes became much more fun.

I never expected to be still delivering mail after this long. In August, I'll have worked for the USPS for 32 years. That's a long time. I'm not really a big fan of government jobs, in fact, I've supported legislation that would be detrimental to my own job, simply to cut down on governmental waste. I'm not a hypocrite when it comes to my ideals and how they apply to limited government. That being said, the need to put a roof over my family's collective heads, and food on our table kept me doing the job for longer than I'd planned. I'd always thought I could go back and finish my degree at the University of Utah, and never realized that there was some kind of statute of limitations on the courses I took. I actually went back to school for a few months to Salt Lake Community College, but again, the family needed my income more than I needed another job and I stopped attending. I learned a lot of math though, and some computer skills.

When all is said and done though, I have other options. I've got one novel completed (not a very good one), and another one that I've completed 58,000 words on. When I get that done, it may not make me rich, but it may help me to end my postal career a bit earlier than previously planned. I'm not counting on it, but I am going to try and finish it to see what will happen. Right now, it's a pretty awesome story line, with a lot of exciting scenes, although most of those scenes have kinks in them that need to be worked out. I'm estimating that it will be around 80,000 words long when completed.

The thing is, delivering mail has its perks. For one thing, the nice parts of the year and being outside. Another advantage to being outside is to not have to hang out with the managers. There are very few with whom I'd like to hang out--too much watching you--you know, the kind of feeling you get when the boss just walked into the room? I know that feeling from both sides, btw. "GG" was the last manager with whom I actually liked hanging out. So "GG", if somehow you're out there reading this, let it be known that you were a cool person to hang out with.

Okay. It's another spring day today, with temps in the low 70s. I think I'm going to wear my mailman shorts today.

Writing challenges and how to overcome them

I found a solution to the schedule change dilemma I mentioned in my last post. I found a timer I could download and put on the desktop. I can set it for any length of time, so, what I've done is set it for 10-15 minutes. This allows me to wake up as I peruse Facebook or other things like that. When the timer goes off, I switch it to 30 minutes and do some kind of writing for that length of time. Now writing can mean revising a scene, posting on this blog, thinking about how to change a scene to incorporate all the info I need it to have--you know, anything to do with writing. I'll even use it to study a writing book. As long as I'm focused on writing.

As for finding more time in a day to write, I'm afraid I'm just out of luck. To be a writer when you have an eight hour job, you need to either write only for a short time per day, or abandon other things that need doing, such as keeping up the yard, working out, etc.

One idea I'm toying with is setting aside a specific night per week to write for a longer period of time, say two to three hours.

Work schedules and forming habits

Now, after having been screwed up in my writing schedule by my place of employment changing our starting time to 7:30 from 8:00, I find myself trying to adjust. And they've announced that they're doing a study as to whether or not they can change our starting times further...to 7:00. This seemingly small thing has caused me to stop writing, because I was doing both writing and my gym time before work. I find myself thrown off of my habits too easily. I've finally got the gym going (after work), and now I'm thinking I'll be able to do the writing before work. In fact, that's what I'm doing now by writing this. It's the most I've actually written in the few weeks since they changed our schedule.

It's said that it takes 21 days to form a habit and only about two weeks to lose the habit if you stop doing whatever it is you've been in the habit of doing, so it's kind of like starting over again. Nevertheless, we writers need to persevere and overcome these little roadblocks, for they are everywhere.

Working on the story

So, I've been going back over my story Last Stand at Cibola, and I can see some really well-written sections. I'm not trying to brag, but maybe I'm not as far away from that million word level as I thought I was. That's really a step up from where I was a while back when I reread my first novel Gateway to Fear. I had thought I had done a good job with that, and there were some places in it where I did, but overall, it sucked. I could rewrite it, and maybe will some day, but for now, it's onward and upward.

 I think the hardest part for me is organizing the plot into a story that makes sense on every level. My characters have complicated back stories and relationships and it's difficult to keep all of that straight. I'm using a program called “Scrivener” now and I think it's going to help in the organizing process, though there's definitely a learning curve associated with it. If we as writers keep plugging away though, eventually we will write something good.

On writing a million words

They say you don't get good at writing until you've written a million words. I'm not really sure what that means. Does it mean you need to write a million words of fiction in order to be a good fiction writer, or is that million words any words that you've written? If it's any words you've written in your lifetime, then I'm pretty sure I've eclipsed the million word mark. If it's a million words of fiction writing, such as novels, short stories etc., I'm probably well below that level.

I kind of like the 10,000 hour approach. Basically that is that one must spend a minimum of 10,000 hours at something in order to become really good at it. It's definitely a good rule of thumb for guitar practice, and I'm pretty sure I could become a darn good writer if I spent 10k hours doing it. I don't know about golfing though. I'd probably become better, but that would just get my hopes up and get me spending more money playing golf, which, since I've only golfed twice in my life, would be a substantial increase. Still if 10,000 hours would make me really good at it, perhaps I could make it back.

Back to writing, I've started a "million word" file in OpenOffice and I'm trying go do as many words as possible. Still though, it would help to know if they all need to be fiction in order for me to become great at writing fiction.

My thoughts on "Life, the Universe and Everything: the Marion K. "Doc" Smith Symposium on Science Fiction and Fantasy

This past Thursday and Saturday (I missed Friday, because my cold got the better of me), I attended the LTUE Symposium held in the Marriott Hotel in Provo, Utah. I had preregistered for the event and it only cost me thirty bucks. I didn't attend any of the things you had to pay extra for, like the dinner etc., which meant I didn't get to listen to Brandon Sanderson. I feel bad about that, but I didn't want to fork out another $30 to do so. Like most of these events, there are some good classes and some that aren't as good as one had hoped. I attended a few of both. The class presenters and panels were a smattering of local writers and some who weren't local. Some had published many books, and some had published few. The number of books published wasn't necessarily representative of how good of instructors they were either.

One of the highlights was Orson Scott Card as the keynote speaker. Card had been expected to arrive earlier in the week, but due to weather, made it for the Saturday sessions. The talk he gave was effective and interesting, geared in large part to the majority LDS audience. It was marred a bit in the end when those running the symposium kept cutting in and telling him his time was up. You could tell he was frustrated by the interruptions. "Those of you who need to go to other classes can go," he said at one point, "I won't hate you." I'm not sure he understood that the large room where he was speaking was taking up three rooms (movable walls) in which some of those classes were supposed to take place, or if he didn't care that this was the case. It didn't hurt my feelings either way.

At any rate, for most of the people in the crowd, he was the one they had come to see, so they didn't care all that much if the other classes were shortened. One has to wonder how the other presenters felt about it though.

I had arrived early in the morning to get on the list for a class called "1000 Ideas in 1 Hour" taught by OSC--a class that would be a maximum of fifty people. When it was time for that class in the late afternoon, I thought it was well worth the time I spent arriving early in order to take part. With five minutes to go, one of the organizers came in with a sign that read "Five minutes". Card said "It'll be ten." In fact, it ended up being closer to thirty. However, unlike the earlier time, there weren't repeated interruptions.

It was my first time attending this event and I'd definitely go back again if my schedule permitted it. Whether or not the classes were valuable, the action of attending helped me to focus more on writing and getting on with it. That's a plus in and of itself.

Writing to avoid writing

As a writer, I often find myself puttering about in the style P.J. O'Rourke writes about here: On Avoiding Writing. Further, rather than doing things to avoid writing altogether, I find myself writing things other than projects that I'm supposed to be completing--that is, while I should be working on my novel, which is currently gathering pixel dust somewhere on the dusty shelves of my hard drive, I find myself writing responses to political arguments or other posts, creating blog entries, etc. The question is, what to do about it.

I've tried the old, make it your habit to work on your current writing project for a set time before you do anything else approach, and just have not found myself to be disciplined enough. Personally, I think that's a cop out and I know if I really wanted to do it, I could make myself do it, just as I do other things that aren't really that pleasant, such as exercise, for the reward of good health. The reward of working on the appropriate writing project is a completed project that could perhaps go before a publisher.

I think I must find more enjoyment in the present from avoiding writing than I do in working toward the goal of completion. Maybe that's because I have so many interests that it doesn't really matter to me if I write or not, but again, I'm losing the big picture that would tell me that if I worked on writing long enough to become a successful writer, that is making a good living at it, I'd have more time to pursue those things I'm interested in.

That and it's much easier to fit in a three or four paragraph blog post than it is finding time to work on my novel. Part of the problem is, my blocks of time are so small, it seems like I'm riding a tricycle across America when I work on my novel. The old adage "slow and steady wins the race" may be true, but sometimes it just isn't pleasant.

So what to do about this? I think I need to complete the inner struggle of defining who I am as a writer and at a deeper level, as a person. If I'm to continue as a writer, I must write, and I must work on those projects that will define me as such, not for anyone else's definition, but for my own. In my own mind, in my heart of hearts, when I have written and published a novel which people actually buy, only then will I truly have become what I personally believe I'm capable of becoming.

If I fail to reach that goal, then I have not maximized my abilities. I may have improved them and honed them in such a way that I can convey thoughts in a lucid manner on the printed page, but I have not achieved what I set out to achieve many years ago. It's something I need to seriously think about.

New e-book authors to try

I've gone into the business of giving free publicity to authors I know. Some of them will be associates and friends from Hatrack River Writers, and some are going to be people I know personally--like Robin Lythgoe who has been my neighbor for years. If you're going to be buying some e-books from someone you've never heard of, why not try these people? Anyway, here's the list. I'll be adding more as I get them.

Works of P.D. Blake

Works of Dustin Hurley

Works of Robin Lythgoe

Novel to be published soon

In the near future, my book, which has the working title of Gateway to Fear, will be out in e-book format. I'm starting the process, going through it for a final edit, formatting it, trying to come up with a title I like a bit better, getting some cover art lined up, etc. I think it's time. And as I've been reading through it, making some minor changes and fixing a few grammar mistakes, I don't think I've done a bad job at all with the book. I'll let you know when it's up and running.

What am I writing today?

What am I writing today? I should also ask, am I writing today?

I’ve always wondered if posting on blogs was considered writing. In some peoples’ worlds, it’s a definite “yes”, but in my world, I’m not sure. I’m the kind of guy who sometimes procrastinates the real stuff, with visits to websites etc.

So, is blogging writing? And if so, should I be doing it instead of other writing, like working on my novel?

I’m thinking about it. One thought that is  going through my head is that, yes, it’s writing. At least it’s keeping me writing something, instead of visiting Facebook, news sites, or other distractions from the task at hand. At least I’m learning how to put coherent sentences together.

And, if I’m going to delay going back to my novel while my sub-conscious stew simmers, and my storyline progresses in micro increments, well then, I’d just as well be writing a blog post.

So, in answer to my first questions, I’m writing about writing. And to my second question I respond, “a blog post that his helping me keep writing, even when I don’t know what to write.”

The bottom line is to keep moving, in all things. If I’m not working on my novel, at least I’m working on my grammar, and working to improve putting words together on a page. That’s worth something, isn’t it?

Writing, goals, and how life turns out

When I was much younger, my expectations of my future life were high. I thought that one day, I'd be a writer, at least be able to make a living as a novelist. I thought that I'd quit my job working for the U.S. Postal Service, and be able to have a lucrative and fulfilling career as a novelist. Now at 52, I look back and am dismayed and depressed that the dream has gone unfulfilled. Of course, one has to realize that other more important things may have kept me from accomplishing that dream. Raising a family and making sure that they were taken care of (which I wouldn't trade for all the writing in the world), doing my duty to God and other responsibilities, exercising for good health, and of course, my full-time job. All those took me away from writing for long stretches of time.
I'm not the kind of writer who can easily sit down for five minutes and have something good written. I need at least an hour or two of free time, which throughout my adult life, has been difficult and sometimes impossible to find. And I get down on myself to easily, whether or not it's the writing aspect or the exercising aspect. Somehow, through all that though, I've been able to write one novel (still unpublished), and complete large chunks of two others (still in the process of completing them), a bunch of short stories, and numerous articles on my real passion in life--outdoors activities. So, I've written. I've even published one of my short stories for money.
But that isn't what my goal originally was. My goal was to be making a living writing. My goal was to be out of the postal service at a young age, living my dreams. So what am I trying to say? That sometimes dreams don't come true. That sometimes a modification is in order, and in order to be happy with those modifications, we need to decide to. We need to try and be happy in other ways. I think I can do that. I just need to figure some things out and decide where I'm going with my writing. Should I continue floundering in the world of fiction, or should I go where I've been more successful in my writing career, writing the outdoors articles? I'm leaning toward the outdoors articles, but then a part of me will always be wondering, could I have been good enough to be a novelist had I only persevered?

Here I am writing blog posts again instead of working on my novel

There are just too many important things to comment on and not enough hours in a day to do it. So my novel sacrifices, and thus my chance of making a living writing, goes out the window with it. Too bad, I guess. I've just got to get certain things out there that are bothering me. I hope you have a great day.

Gorilla glue, plantar fasciitis, and the depths of despair

Yup. I'm feelin' sorry for myself this morning. I'm tired. Last night I came home from work at about 6:00 and did nothing for myself except take a bath. The rest of the time I worked--dinner, dishes, bills. I finally said, "I'm going downstairs to play my guitar," and then couldn't really play it, because I have a dry-skin crack right under the thumbnail of my picking hand. Frustrating.

So, I woke up this morning tired from yesterday, not really wanting to go to the gym. Well, really, tiredness isn't all of it. I've also developed a nasty case of plantar fasciitis over the past week, and I don't like doing things other than running for my aerobic exercise--things that would cause less stress on my plantar. So I wussed out. Honestly, I'd like to call in sick today, but I won't do that. I'd like to go back to bed, but no. I've accomplished something though--I got my writing done for the day. Worked on my novel a bit. Not much though. Not enough. My depression has deepened and is causing me to lose my drive. I think I'm going to put some Gorilla glue on my crack, so that I can at least be pain free (ha!) for a day. What a whiner I am. I really need a vacation.