Help Pastor Ghouri!

Pastor Ghouri with some of the beautiful children he's helping. Praise God!

My friend and brother in Christ, Eric Ghouri, is a Christian pastor in Lahore, Pakistan, a place not known for its friendliness to Christians. You can visit his Facebook page here: Eric Ghouri
He is doing a great work among the impoverished, including widows and orphans. In addition to his pastoral work, he works in a factory for little pay, of which he donates most to help the extremely poor kids and widows whom he serves. He really could use your help with these good people and spreading the word of God. He is trying to find sponsorship for helping these people. Your prayers would also help a lot. It may even be a great cause for a church to be involved in. You can contact him via his WhatsApp number 0923046687720 or through his email address: ghourieric@yahoo.com.

Fighting our inner battles

Occupying time with God's handiwork can take our minds off of nearly anything.

Do you ever feel lonely even when you're in a crowd--or even when you are around people whom you love and who love you? Nearly everyone has some kind of hidden trials that we don't know about. I guess mine is that feeling of loneliness. I've tried to pinpoint it. I'm a great one for self-analysis. I know that my decision to leave the LDS faith three years ago has left me somewhat isolated from people I love--even those who are closest to me. There are possibly other reasons that I can't identify. I was experiencing loneliness prior to leaving the LDS faith. I think in a way, that's my cross to bear so to speak. My thorn in the flesh. Others have trouble with depression or anger management or any number of things. I think most of us have heard the saying, "Be kind. For everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." (attributed to various people including Plato, but it looks like the original source is Ian Maclaren)
I need to remember that. The truth of it was forcefully put into my mind when I watched the 2017 film Wonder a few days ago. Told from various character's points of view, it shows emphatically how everything isn't always as it appears on the outside, or from one person's vantage point. Each person in that story had their own feelings and reasons for doing things the way they did. In real life it is that way.
I don't know if my feelings of loneliness will ever go away. It is my challenge. I sometimes forget about it when I get intensely interested in something. It happens for long moments as I'm driving and looking at the countryside. I think if I could travel more frequently, get outside with my wife Ann, or some friends and just do something that kept me occupied, then I could keep those feelings at bay for longer periods of time.
And that's likely the same with you who have your own feelings of loneliness, anger, or frustration. The key is to live in the moment and not dwell on what gives you those feelings. It's an involvement of self in things that thrill you, interest you, and enthrall you--occupying the space in your heart and mind where the feelings that make you sad take up room.
I like to think that more focusing on the needs of others helps with that too. I'm sure it helps with the welfare of the human soul. I will keep my wolf howling in the light of the full moon as my background image on my Facebook page. It reflects partially who I truly am. However, I know that my Lord may see fit to remove that image from my heart and mind, in his own timing. Until then, I will ask him to help me deal with it, and I will do as much of what I have found to be a relief of symptoms, even if not an all-out cure.
Just rest assured that we are all fighting a hard battle. Really. My goal is to treat you as if you were, with kindness and love.

The Rose: Still an amazing song

The moment I heard Bette Midler's hit song The Rose, I loved it. I cannot read the words without applying them to my own life. They are powerful words that stand reach down to the depths of my soul. It's a song that stands the test of time. I have loved other versions of this song as well, including, but not limited to, Conway Twitty's version. Still great after all these years, and quite possibly in my top ten all time. Enjoy!

Here's the Conway Twitty version.

And then this wonderful performance, a duet with Bette Midler and Wynona Judd.

Love means saying you're sorry

I think I know what the most ridiculous quote about love is. It came from that film in 1970, Love Story. I don't remember much about the film, but the quote will stay with me forever:

Love is never having to say you're sorry.

Isn't that crazy? If you love someone, you will say you're sorry. It's kind of the exact opposite of the quote. Not that one should go around saying they're sorry all the time, but when it's warranted--and in any good relationship, it often is, you should say it.

Personally, the more I talk, the more I put my foot in my mouth. I have found that once you let those words fly, you cannot get them back. I guess that's why I'm generally known as a quiet man--I don't want to say the wrong thing, so I often keep quiet. But not often enough. I still manage to hurt those I love with my words. And for that, if I've hurt any of you, I apologize. I am hoping though that my loved ones love me enough to know that sometimes I say things out of hurt or anger that I should have just not said out loud. Sometimes I say things out loud though, to let my loved ones know I was hurt or frustrated. That's not always the right thing for us to do. Often it's better to just relax, chill, and think of all the good things and good times we've gone through with our loved one.

And the reason why is because sometimes we never get that chance to make amends.

So, contrary to the "wisdom" of Love Story, I will just say "I'm sorry" right now for my words I let fly from time to time. I will still make mistakes as friends do, but I think I will just treasure up the memories I have with all my loved ones, and look forward to the wonderful times yet to come.

Have a fabulous Valentine's Day!

Care for the caregivers

In writing on this subject, I run the risk of sounding like I'm complaining. And yet, I feel the need to open the eyes of people to situations they may have under their very noses, within their own family circle or conclave of friends.
Among the vast throngs of people existing on this planet, there is a group of people, scattered across the globe, who are called “caregivers” or “care partners”. I heard the latter terminology used by Jennifer Brush and Kerry Mills, authors of a book called I Care:  A Handbook for Care Partners of People with Dementia. That being said, caregivers or care partners, whichever terminology you prefer, involve a wide range of people caring for others with a wide range of challenges.The challenges may be mental disorders, such as Alzheimers or other forms of dementia, or those for whom care is given may have physical challenges for which the causes are myriad. In my case, I am caring for my wife Ann, who seven years ago, was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis, Sjogrens Disease, and Fibromyalgia. Those of us who are caregivers do not think of ourselves as angels or saints, or anything of the kind. Personally, I am an ogre on a frequent basis. Most of us are just people thrust into a situation they never wanted to deal with, but who are doing the best they can. In most cases we are barely hanging in there.
For the past few months of this year—since January actually—Ann has been in some extreme difficulty, which has required much more of my time. Before that, she was able to get out of the house on her own, make her own meals, and pretty much take care of herself. Since January, she is debilitated to the point where she cannot shower without help, often requires assistance when using the bathroom, cannot stand long enough to get her own meals, and cannot drive herself anywhere. As you can imagine, this has put a huge burden on me to help her with those things.
Since I am not old enough to be retired, I work a forty-plus (usually in the non-Christmas time of year it's around 45) hour week at the U.S. Postal Service as a letter carrier. Our daughter Rebecca, and her husband Justin, along with their four children live in our home. Justin works outside the home, and has a heavy schedule both at work, and doing things for his LDS church calling. There is a level of dysfunctionality within their family and while I'm at work, Ann receives sporadic care. I make sure she is fed breakfast before I leave, and I put her lunch in a small cooler. When I come home, I get dinner ready—or pick it up somewhere—it has become harder and harder for me to have the desire or energy to actually make dinner—and then spend the remainder of most nights at home with her. She has been home watching something on television all day, or sometimes reading, and is bored. I then become the entertainment by playing board games several nights a week, or watching something with her.
While I love spending time with Ann, there are certain chores that need to be done, such as lawn mowing, weeding, and even stuff inside the house like washing walls, scrubbing floors, and cleaning bathrooms. Going to the store for needed groceries becomes a challenge because there is a certain amount of guilt placed on me when I hear Ann's words, “you're leaving me again?” Even going to lunch with a friend or attending church meetings are filled with guilt trips for desertion. All of these chores and activities get postponed or not done at all because of Ann's need for companionship. Busywork, such as contacting my medical insurance for forms, or getting reimbursed by my Flexible Spending Account get pushed aside so that I can meet Ann's immediate needs. I believe these things are common among caregivers and that I am not alone.
I have the added challenge of the other family members who live in my house not totally functioning, and I end up having to clean more (and other great challenges) because of that than I would were they to move out. However, Ann is insistent that they remain with us until she can care for herself, despite their limited contribution. If they were fully functioning, they would be a great help, instead of an extra burden, which I would welcome, wholeheartedly.
One of my personal challenges and one that is common to caregivers, is caregiver burnout. It takes a lot out of a person to care for another constantly. Breaks are needed. Those of us who appear to be “handling” it well, are often not doing as well as we should, or even could be. I am strong. Very strong. I make it a point to not whine and I try to put a positive spin on things. I blog excitedly about my adventures, and I use my sense of humor frequently. To outsiders, or even sometimes close friends and family members, this can look like I'm doing okay, so no need to help. The stark reality is though, that us caregivers desperately need those close to us to step in, often without being asked, and lend a hand.
When Ann first came home from the hospital in January, some of the people from the church I attend offered to help. At that time, I turned it down, largely because I was embarassed that we even needed it considering we had family living with us who were able-bodied and should be shouldering the load. Nobody from outside really knows how dysfunctional our household is, and it's actually not easy to explain to people. I am reminded of these words from the book of James: “If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that?” (James 2:15-16)
In the past, I have used hiking and other activities to get myself a break from the caregiving. This year, because Ann took a turn for the worse, I have been able to get out far less than in the past. I have been afraid to schedule anything with anyone because of the times when I've had to call and cancel because Ann's needs were acute at the time the activity was supposed to take place. I think these kinds of things are common to other caregivers as well. Yet we caregivers need to take care of ourselves if we are to continue taking care of our loved ones. One thing I've been able to do on a fairly consistent basis is get to the gym. I go on my way home from work. I think stopping home first would keep me from going back out. What I could really use is a few days away from things, just to rejuvenate. I just don't see that happening. What would really be a blessing would be for Ann to get well enough that she could do many things for herself again. I think that will happen some day, but it's a slow process.
Another thing that caregivers are often challenged with is companionship. In many cases it becomes one-sided. One can give, and one cannot. It isn't the fault of the one being cared for, but it is a reality for many and hard to deal with. I have no idea what the solution is, but just being mindful of that challenge is a big help.
So my plea is for those who love the caregivers and those they care for to be aware of what's happening, not just visibly, but behind the scenes as well. And take some time from your busy lives to pitch in for a day or two a month. You will be blessing the lives of others, and the Lord will bless you for it.
One thing I think I have going for me that perhaps many other caregivers don't is that I always believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel—even if I can't currently see it, I know it's there. And I know that God is helping me endure and survive, and eventually wear the victor's crown.

Now, I hope that looked more like explaining than complaining. All you folks have an amazing day!

Remember: the most important things in life aren't things

I had some visitors tonight. I like visitors, for the most part, and these guys are my friends. I appreciate it whenever friends stop by, even if I'm about to leave, though if I'm about to leave I feel bad that I can't visit long enough. See, the way I look at it is people are the most important things to spend time with on any given day.
And, though I spent a lot of time today getting various tasks done (it was my day off), I did some things I felt I personally needed to do. I went to the gym early in the morning for the first time this week. I was able to do my treadmill run for cardio, but I ran out of gas when I tried to do my strength training exercises. This month has taken its toll on my physically, but then I knew it would and that's part of the reason I keep working out to be prepared for times like this.
I also took my 4runner over to the shop for a tune-up and oil change, then walked home. That was exercise. Then later on, I walked back to get it--more exercise. The place is only .4 miles away, so no big deal.
Early in the morning I was looking up wind chomes, I mean chimes, for a possible Christmas present. I found some that might work, but they are supposed to remind one of a meadowlark and I'm not quite sure they do. Here's the link: you can judge for yourself.
I went to an antique store and browsed around searching for that one gift that would be well thought out, to no avail. I ordered flowers for Ann's birthday which is this Saturday, I shopped at a candy store. I cleaned out a slow drain, made dinner and filled the dishwasher. Yet the most important thing I did all day was when I spent time with people. Spend time with those you love. They can leave unexpectedly. The things we wish we would have said to them, sometimes have to go forever unsaid. Don't make the mistake of waiting too long to say them.

I like those rocks

A few days ago, Ann and I were driving past a cemetery. "I like how they did those rocks," Ann said.
"What rocks?" I said. "Do you mean the head stones?"
She didn't mean the headstones. "No," she said. "They had a small part of the parking strip that they didn't know what to do with so they landscaped it with rocks."
As I thought about it, I actually thought about the headstones and what if she'd actually been commenting on them. Most cemeteries are well-designed, and the stones--rocks if you will--are laid fairly uniformly throughout the manicured lawn and trees. They are peaceful places for the living to remember the dead for the most part. But I also thought, would anyone want to be remembered as part of a collection of nicely designed rocks? The good news is that most people aren't.
Most people are remembered for cherished memories. For the love we had for them. For the good they did and the kindness they showed in their lives. They are remembered for their senses of humor or their love of life.
Sad it would be if they were only remembered as part of a collection of neatly arranged rocks, but there are people out there like that. Perhaps their sense of isolation keeps them from making friends. Maybe they have a mental illness that makes it hard for others to befriend them. Maybe they just never had children and lived to an old age with no one to remember them.
These are the kinds of people that most need our love and attention. It's those that are hardest to love that most need that love. Remember the words of our Lord:
³¹ When the Son of man shall come in his glory, and all the holy angels with him, then shall he sit upon the throne of his glory:
³² And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:
³³ And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left.
³⁴ Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
³⁵ For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:
³⁶ Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.
³⁷ Then shall the righteous answer him, saying, Lord, when saw we thee an hungred, and fed thee? or thirsty, and gave thee drink?
³⁸ When saw we thee a stranger, and took thee in? or naked, and clothed thee?
³⁹ Or when saw we thee sick, or in prison, and came unto thee?
⁴⁰ And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.

Let's not focus on the rocks, but on the people for whom those rocks are just a representation. Let's be kind to the lonely and down-trodden in the world. Not only will it make their lives better, but it will enrich ours as well.

One thing I believe in is love...

I just saw this great video about the love Irish Poet, Thomas Moore had for his wife. I love and appreciate great stories of love and wonderful music. Here it is combined in one amazing video: Believe Me If All Those Endearing Young Charms

Share this with those you love on Valentine's Day!

Treats for the Christmas spirit

Christmas time is a time when insane amounts of treats are passed out and consumed. It's a fact that the time between Thanksgiving and New Years is when people pack on the pounds. Here are just a few random thoughts about treats this time of year.


Interesting treats: If this offends anyone, I'm sorry, but I've seen these decorative bags of mixed cereals, pretzels, and popcorn, on the break table at work. I started putting two and two together. We store our cereal boxes on top of the fridge and generally, there is that last little ¼ cup of cereal left in the bottom of the box that sits there for months. If you have enough of these mostly empty boxes lying around, what a neat idea—dump them all into a decorative bag, throw in a handful of pretzels and a handful of popcorn and voilá, instant treats for the neighbors or the mail carrier! I actually don't know what makes this appealing at all, but it's good for the thrifty.


Best treats: My list of best treats include nearly anything that's homemade, and that doesn't include raisins or walnuts. Raisins are not a hot item at Christmas time anyway, but walnuts manage to make their way into some of the best foods, like fudge. That being said, if I had to make a list of things I like best as far as Christmas treats goes, here's what would be on the list: fudge, sugar cookies, various kinds of candy (the good non-peppermint kind), and anything put together with love.


Worst treats: There are none. If anyone takes the time to do something for you, you should appreciate it. Even if it's a bag of leftover cereals mixed up, whoever gave it to you thought you might like it. Actually, I might like it if the pretzels and popcorn were left out, because then I could actually dump it in a bowl with some milk and have a great potpouri of cereals. That's why I never have those mostly empty boxes of cereal on my fridge or in my cupboard, btw. They get used up by me...wheat chex mixed with bran flakes, etc. Not too shabby.


Suggestions for treats that you don't normally think about: Have you ever thought of doing a service treat? How about showing up, early in the morning after a snow storm and clearing your neighbor's sidewalks? How about rolling in their trash cans from off the street for them? How about visiting them or giving them a phone call just to say “hi”?


My final thought is that everything should be accepted graciously and with gratitude. It's not the food that we get this time of year that's important, it's the love that we feel. More importantly, it's the love that we share, because Christ's love is the greatest of all and sharing our love with others is a great way to honor Him.

Great quote

I saw this insightful quote earlier this morning:

". . . when it comes down to it, that’s what life is all about: showing up for the people you love, again and again, until you can’t show up anymore." -Rebecca Walker

I love it. 

What is a hero?

What is a hero? We think of heroes as those who respond to a crisis with daring and courage in times of need. Those who rise above selfish behavior and do the truly selfless—sometimes at the peril of their own lives—in order to help those in need. Those people are heroes.


There are also the quiet heroes. Those who rescue people, but not with quick action or brute strength. The quiet heroes are those who go about day after day, serving, helping where needed. Mother Theresa comes to mind as one such hero.


We love the movies about super heroes, those fictional characters whose super powers help them to fight off the super villains. We long for the ability to do likewise. “Imagine how much I could help people if I only could be Spiderman,” we might think. “Too bad I don't have a super power.”


The fact is, super powers exist. They are called, “love”, “caring”, “selflessness”. People who use such super powers become men and women of character. From the TV series Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.. comes the quote, “The real heroes are not those who have something that we don't. It's what they do with it.” We have all been given gifts and abilities that if used to help others, to uplift and to protect them, enable and ennoble us to do acts of greatness. God gives us these gifts. Let's not be afraid to use them.