Always check your gym bag

Yesterday morning, I did my typical "sneak into the bedroom in the dark and grab the shirt and shorts out of the drawer and try not to wake Ann up" routine. I went into the other room and stuffed those two items, along with my shoes, into my gym bag.
After work, I arrived at the gym, stripped down and went to put on the clothes. The "shorts" that I had grabbed out of my drawer in the dark, ended up being Ann's capris! At that point, I had three choices. Either I could get dressed again in my work clothes and bag working out, I could wear Ann's capris to work out in, or I could put my mailman shorts back on and work out in those. I chose the last one. I actually had a pretty good workout too, doing my treadmill 5k in 31:10, which is my fastest time this year. Maybe I'll wear my mailman shorts all the time to work out in.

Turning into a werewolf

When it's a full moon, I generally turn into a werewolf. I've never done a selfie of me as a werewolf, nor have I gone to a professional photo shoot. I took the liberty of creating an image that shows a photo of me morphing into a werewolf. I don't know how accurate it is as when I change into a werewolf...I ...lose...ab...ility....to...conver.....AAARRRRGGGHHHH

Cats and sleep--not a good mix

Just when you think you might get a good night's sleep, there's a thing called a cat that gets in the way.
Did I tell you that cats can be strange, annoying little creatures at times?
So, about 4 am, Scout, who had been outside was meowing outside my bedroom window. Ann had left the room earlier because she had trouble sleeping in the bed, and was watching television in the other room, wide awake, but because her oxygen compressor is rather loud, she didn't hear the cat.
I did though, and woke up to let Scout in. Our bedroom has two entrances, one of them is through the bathroom that is by the back door. So there is one door right by the back door that leads into the bathroom, and another door from the bathroom into our bedroom. The other entrance to our bedroom is from the hallway that leads to the living room. I have learned through sad experience that Scout rarely takes the direct route to our bedroom, through the back bathroom, but instead wanders all the way around through the living room and up the long hallway to reach our bedroom door.
I usually have that door closed because when Ann can't sleep, she leaves the hall light on, and also is generally watching tv or listening to music. However, knowing Scouts habits, I opened that door a crack and got back in bed, knowing that in just a couple of minutes, I'd have to get back up again and shut that door to keep the sound of the tv to a minimum.
Sure enough, a few minutes later, Scout came through that door, leaving it open a few inches. Can you train a cat to close a door behind itself? As I got up to close the door so I could go back to sleep, Scout jumped off the bed and ran out into the hallway.
I got back in bed, still not daring to go back to sleep, knowing that she would be back in moments. She was. This time I warned her not to run out the door again. Instead, she ran out the other door, into the bathroom toward the kitchen. I followed her thinking she must have wanted to go back outside. She didn't. She was dissatisfied with the food in her bowl. A little plastic was showing at the bottom of her food dish, and that is just unacceptable, I guess. Has she ever heard of cleaning her plate? Or bowl in this case? I sometimes want to treat her like a little kid... “clean your plate and then I'll give you more,” I want to say, but know it will be futile.
I gave her another helping, then went back and layed on the bed, knowing that in moments, there would be more instructions from the cat. Done with eating the upgraded food, she wanted to go back out. Finally I could enjoy another hour or two of sleep.
Ten minutes later, there was a meowing outside my bedroom window. Did I tell you cats can be annoying little creatures?

Yeah, just stare at me, you annoying little creature!

How to stay on your diet

Yesterday, I discovered a new dietary aid that will help keep people from eating things that aren't on their list of things they should eat. I think I could possibly make it rich with this new innovation.
The innovation? Hair in the food. That's right, hair. Yesterday morning someone was sharing some delicious-looking red velvet cake, homemade, for his birthday. He cut up the cake on the break room table. I had just finished eating an apple and a Kashi granola bar, but that cake was looking mighty tempting. I left the break room, hoping the cake would all be gone before I walked back past the room. However, the next time I walked past, there were 3-4 pieces left. I decided I really wanted one.
The first bite revealed my new secret diet keeping device. A hair, roughly three inches long, protruded from the edge of the cake. I pulled it out, but my desire to finish eating the cake was immediately quelled. Into the garbage it went—upside down on the plate so that the guy who brought it wouldn't know I'd thrown away nearly an entire piece of his cake.
If there's one thing I can't stand to find in food, that makes it instantly unappetizing, it's a hair. Well, flies aren't very appetizing either, but I don't generally find them embedded in cake, enchiladas, or bread dough items like I do human hairs.
I wonder why that happens. Generally it happens whether or not I know the head whose hair it came from, but when I don't know whose head it came from, it's even worse. And if it was a pubic hair—well, thankfully, that has never happened to me.
I wonder if it's possible to market something like this to help people lose weight, or to stop eating unhealthy foods. Theoretically it is. I have huge numbers of hair on my head, and they always grow back, so I could make practically unlimited batches of chocolate chip cookies, cheesecake, or lasagna filled with my new diet discovery. I'm surprised no one else has thought of it.

Signs

For the past few weeks, Arctic Circle Drive-in has had a sign up on their marquee that says: "We only serve real halibut". I wonder how many fish actually walk into that place, and how many of them get turned down for service because they aren't "real halibut". I can't believe the discrimination these days.

Humor for the day

This is about a year old, but I saw it for the first time today. Check out this link: Dad fills out questionaire for 11-month-old at daycare

Cats are strange

Sometimes my cat Scout is frankly, a moron. First there are the times when she hops up, strides in front of the monitor, walks on the keyboard, and prevents me from interacting with websites. Pay attention to me, she seems to say, not that screen. It can be irritating and endearing at the same time.

The thing that takes the cake though is this morning. I just happened to be in the bathroom, urinating (Sorry for the graphic description. You can stop reading now if you want. But come on, we are all adults here.). Scout hopped up on the bathtub edge, then walked over onto the front part of the toilet, right underneath the stream, and stood there. What was I supposed to do with that situation?

You make the call...

New scientific discovery: The Moon IS made of green cheese

AP - Stockholm. Sources indicate that what was formerly thought of as a "fairy tale" is in fact, true--the moon IS made of green cheese. Scientists have gathered from around the world to attend the We Were Wrong Symposium in Stockholm this week.
"This definitely puts global warming on the back burner," said one scientist. "It changes our entire concept of the universe."
Former astronaut, Neil Armstrong could not be reached for comment, but another unidentified NASA official stated that, "We always believed that the stuff on the moon was crushed rock. Now after further review, it seems that it is in fact, mold."
The powdery substance has long puzzled scientists, but now new information is coming forward after many long years of scientific drought. "You see, the moon is hot on one side, and the other side is a refrigerator," said one NASA official, "perfect conditions for mold to get a hand hold."
Senator Barbara Boxer of California chimed in, "There are doubters, but most of those people don't believe in fairy tales either. I bet they don't even believe the Goldilocks story actually happened." She declined further comment on the issue.
A significant segment of the scientific community, however, doubts the findings. "There are many of these supposed 'scientists'," Yale professor Stewart Pacman said, "who have invested in moon mining companies and other related firms. Funny how these are the same ones who insist that the moon is made of green cheese."
Said another, "Despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary, our government is going forward with taking steps to mine the moon for cheese. Incredibly stupid, I would think, especially considering those fraudulent e-mails on the matter."
And what about those "fraudulent e-mails"?
It seems that a couple of "green cheese" advocates were caught sending e-mails about trying to fabricate evidence when their science was unable to prove their green cheese theory. Our research has found that scientists Robert Fullerbrush and Dick Amway who wrote the e-mails in question are both heavily invested in "Green Cheese Technologies", a firm devoted to the creation of space mining equipment.
Said Pacman, "They've sold us a bill of goods. Too bad nothing will come of it, but a broken economy."